Starring:
Madelein Albright
as Dorothy
Richard Rubin as the Scarecrow
William Cohen as the
Lion
Alan Greenspan as the Tin Man
and
Bill Clinton as the
Wizard
Special guest appearance by Leona Helmsley as the Good Witch Of
The
North.
Bill Clinton wardrobe provided by Hyundi Motors, Ltd.
Story background :
Three new cabinet members who
are all (unbeknownst
to them) searching for the same thing begin their
journey to Washington
to start their new careers.
Albright :
How will we ever find our way
to Washington?
Rubin :
Look, there are some twenty
dollar bills over there.
Cohen :
And off in the distance, I
think I see some small unmarked
bills.
Albright :
(Cupping her hand over her
eyes)
And way over yonder, I think I see
some stock certificates for the
Indonesian National Oil
Company.
Albright
(As she scoops up
the twentys)
Follow the fund raising
trail!
Rubin :
(As he scoops up the small unmarked
bills)
Follow the fundraising trail!
All :
Follow, follow, follow, follow,
follow the fundraising trail!
As our heroes make their
way to Washington they all begin singing:
"We're off to see the
Wizard, the wonderful William of Oz,
If ever there was a Wizard of Oz, the
William of Oz is the one,
Despite the scandals, coverups and screwups,
his
approval rating keeps going up and up,
Because, because, because, because,
because,
because of the wonderful things he says,
Ha ha ha ha!
We're
off to see the Wizard, the wonderful William of Oz."
Albright :
What is that
white stuff falling from the sky? Is it snow?
Rubin :
It's not
melting. Maybe its Manna.
Cohen :
No, look,
(grabs one out of the air) they're faxes. It's from
Clinton. All of the
information that we need for our cabinet
positions. They must have dropped
them from Air Force 1.
Everyone gathers up all the
faxes as they continue to follow the fund
raising trail.
Albright : (Reading through
the faxes)
There's hardly anything here about
diplomacy, it just talks
about how to handle lobbyists.
Rubin :
I don't see
anything about fiscal policy, only what to say to
taxpayers.
Cohen :
There's
absolutely nothing here about defense needs, only a
budget.
As the new cabinet members
make their way through the Enchanted
Press Forest they begin
chanting:
Lobbyists and taxpayers and
budgets, oh my!
Lobbyists and taxpayers and budgets, oh my!
Lobbyists and
taxpayers and budgets, oh my!
Finally, they arrive at the
Emerald White House and meet the President.
Albright :
Mr.
President, I just want to tell you what an honor it is for me
and my friends
here to be serving in your my cabinet.
Bubba :
Excuse me
everyone. Mr. President, Boris Yeltson is on Line 1.
Clinton :
What does he
want, another loan?
Bubba :
No sir. He
wants you to grant the McDonalds in Moscow a
liquor license.
Clinton :
Tell him I'll
call him back.
Bubba :
Yes Mr.
President.
Albright :
Mr.
President, I was wondering if you could do me a favor. I
want to be Jewish
again. Can you send me to Israel first?
Clinton :
Are you
crazy? You're already scheduled to go to Cairo,
Amman and Damascus next year.
After your little surprise
revelation, how am I suppose to make it up to the
Arabs,
appoint Yassir Arafat to the Supreme Court. (Scratches his
chin and
arches his eyebrow) Hmmm, I wonder what Arafat
thinks about sitting
Presidents being sued? Bubba, make a
note to call Arafat.
Bubba :
Yes Mr.
President. Mr. President, Fidel Castro is on Line 2,
he says he wants to talk
peace.
Clinton :
Tell him to
call me back in thirty years.
Bubba :
Yes Mr.
President.
Clinton :
Now listen up
everyone. Ya'll being here is my favor to you.
So now it's payback time. Go
out into the world and make me
look good.
Bubba :
Mr. President,
Buffy is on line 1.
Clinton :
I'll take it
on the secure line in the bomb shelter. Now get
going everyone.
Albright is outside the
Emerald White House crying and being consoled
by Rubin and Cohen.
Albright :
I'll never
get to be Jewish again.
Suddenly, there is a large
puff of smoke accompanied by the distinct smell
of Matzoh Ball soup.
Appearing out of nowhere is a middle aged women
dressed in standard fairy
godmother attire except for the apron and fuzzy
slippers.
Albright :
Who are
you?
Helmsley :
I'm the Good
Witch Of The North.
Albright :
The Good
Witch Of North? You look like Golda Meir.
Helmsley :
And you look
like Claudia Schiffer? Listen, I'm right in the
middle of an intense scrabble
game with the Wicked Witch
Of The West. I'm about to lay down "quixotic" with
the x
on triple word score, so let's make this quick. What do
you
want?
Albright :
I want to be
Jewish again. Purim's coming. I want to dress
up as Esther, bake Hamentashens
and take a ritual Mikvah.
Helmsley :
Would you
settle for two out of three?
Rubin :
I want to
be Jewish again too.
Cohen :
Me
too.
Albright :
We all want
to be Jewish again, but we've forgotten how.
Helmsley :
You have all
forgotten how to be Jewish, but Judaism has
not forgotten you. It still lives
in your hearts and your deeds.
Just close your eyes, put your hands on your
hearts and say
three times, "there's no place like homeland, there's
no
place like homeland, there's no place like homeland."