The Best of "Proofs That Jesus Existed"

 1. ARGUMENT FROM TWITTER 
(1) Received Tweet "I existed#HJ Jesusomeg@lpha.netbible"
(2) Tweet sent by Jesus
(3) Therefore, Jesus existed.

2. ARGUMENT FROM YHWH IS A MAD GENIUS
(1) YHWH knew his son would get crucified and sent him for that purpose
(2) You can't make this stuff up
(3) Therefore, Jesus existed.

3. ARGUMENT FROM THE CRUCIFIXION
(1) Crucifixion was a really, really, really, really horrible way to die
(2) Nobody would make up a story about a god who dies a horrible death
(3) Previous stories about gods who died horrible deaths were just myths
(4) Therefore, Jesus existed.

4. ARGUMENT FROM UNIVERSITY CLASS
(1) Dr. James McGrath, University Professor, teaches a course on The Historical Jesus
(2) Universities only offer Historical courses on historical people
(3) Therefore, Jesus existed.

5. ARGUMENT FROM GREEK
(1) I know Greek.
(2) You don't know Greek.
(3) The New Testament was written in Greek.
(4) Therefore, Jesus existed.

6. ARGUMENT FROM MOSES ANALOGY
(1) The Christian Bible claims repeatedly that Jesus was the new Moses.
(2) Jesus was just as real as Moses.
(3) Therefore, Jesus existed.

7. ARGUMENT FROM THIS LIST
(1) MJs have no arguments that Jesus did not exist.
(2) All MJs can do is try to make fun of arguments that Jesus existed.
(3) Therefore, Jesus existed.

8. ARGUMENT FROM JEDI MIND TRICK
(1) The evidence for Impossible Jesus is basically the same as the evidence for possible Jesus.
(2) (Voice accompanied by hand-waving) "This isn't the argument you are looking for".
(3) This isn't the argument I was looking for.
(4) (Voice accompanied by hand-waving) "The Jesus existed argument can move along".
(5) The Jesus existed argument can move along.
(6) Therefore, Jesus existed.

9. ARGUMENT FROM SIMON SAID
(1) Simon said: "You are the Christ".
(2) Jesus did not exist.
(3) Simon diidn't saay.
(4) Therefore, Jesus existed

10. ARGUMENT FROM OH SNAP
(1) Oh no he di-int.
(2) Oh yes he di-id.
(3) Oh snap! (accompanied by snapping motion)
(4) Therefore, Jesus existed.

11. ARGUMENT FROM INTERVIEW WITH SATAN
(1) Satan: "Ya know, I'm sick and tired of Atheists going around telling people that Me and Jesus didn't exist and I would really like to show them a thing or two except I can't, because I don't exist."
(2) Therefore, Jesus existed.

12. ARGUMENT FROM COUSIN IT ANALOGY
(1) Put the original Gospel on a pedestal.
(2) Cut out all of the Impossible.
(3) Cut out all of the implausible and unlikely.
(4) Cut out all of the contrived and contradicted.
(5) Cut out all of the paralleled to The Jewish Bible, Paul and Josephus.
(6) There's an equally famous episode of The Addams Family where Cousin It gets a haircut and when they finish there is nothing left.
(7) According to The Addams Family Cousin It still existed.
(8) Therefore, Jesus existed.

13. ARGUMENT FROM LIAR, LORD OR LUNATIC ARGUMENT 
(1) Jesus was either a liar, lord, or lunatic 
(2) Hey, we've exhausted the options.
(3) If Jesus was a liar, by considering if he was a liar, you show he existed.
(4) If Jesus was a lunatic,... he existed.
(5) If Jesus was a lord,... he existed.
(6) What can I say? Whichever way you go, he existed.
(7) Therefore, Jesus existed.

14. ARGUMENT FROM "GOOD NEWS"/BAD NEWS
(1) I've got some good news and bad news regarding Jesus existing
(2) First, the bad news. There is no good news
(3) Now the good news. I won't tell you the bad news
(4) Therefore, Jesus existed.

15. ARGUMENT FROM ANCIENT STANDARDS
(1) Modern standards of proof generally require multiple, confirming, independent, credible first-hand witnesses.
(2) We don't have that for HJ.
(3) Ancient standards of proof accepted a lower standard.
(4) We should use a lower standard of proof for HJ because HJ was ancient.
(5) Therefore, Jesus existed

16. ARGUMENT FROM RICK PERRY
(1) I have three independent Gospel agencies that are evidence for Jesus' baptism.
(2) The first is "Mark".
(3) The second is "John" who is independent from "Mark" because no one knows who "Mark" was.
(4) The third is independent from "John" because no one knows who "John" was.
(5) The third one is, uhm, lessee...the Department of Energy? No, that's not it.
(6) Zzz...(wake up Rick), huh, oh yeah, let's see, ahhh...(shrug and lift hands) oops.
(7) Therefore, Jesus existed

17.  ARGUMENT FROM HATE
1. Atheists hate Jesus.
2. You can't hate something that doesn't exist.
3. Therefore Jesus exists.

18. ARGUMENT FROM CRUCIFIXION
(1) Pontius Pilate cruciified Jesus
(2) Pilate is unlikely to have crucified a mythical man
(3) Therefore, Jesus existed. 

19. ARGUMENT FROM THE MATRIX TIME TRAVEL
(1) 2011 - No qualified professional believes in MJ.
(2) 2012 - No qualified professional believes in MJ except for 1 PhD student with a Bible related degree.
(3) 2013 - No qualified professional believes in MJ except for 1 University professor with a Bible related degree.
(4) 2014 - No qualified professional believes in MJ except for 2 University professors with Bible related degrees.
(5) 2015 - No qualified professional believes in MJ except for 3 University professors with Bible related degrees.
(6) On Fight Club's longest possible time line, belief in HJ than goes to -0-.
(6) Therefore, Jesus existed.